Waiting for the End of Forever

As the wait in China adoption builds, and builds, and builds, families become ever more frustrated and confused. What causes a program which typically took under a year to catapult to such extreme timeframes? This is the question that kept me awake at night as we waited for our daughter to come home. Perhaps my interest has resurfaced in the last few months, because there seems to be no end in sight. I still pay attention, because I feel heartache for families in process. There is no way to find a reason with absolute certainty.

The CCAA indicated a few years ago, there is a decreased number of available children in orphanages as a result of “the development of Chinese society and an increase in domestic adoptions.” Such factors combined with a large number of dossiers have decreased the number of available children. I have several personal theories. None of these theories equate to a decrease in the number of available babies when considering the one child policy, a large gender imbalance, a widening gap between wealth and poverty, and traditions dating back thousands of years. Is it really feasible that a centuries old mindset will suddenly change in a span of five years? Yet, there are families who seemingly buy into this notion, contending the best place for a child is their native culture. This is a wonderful notion however is probably not based on reality.

Perhaps this wait has occurred because we are supposed to see a higher number of special needs children reach their full potential. Certainly a decade ago, three fourths of China adoptions were not special needs. I also constantly remind myself that any child saved, as small as the number are compared to previous years, is a life which will be allowed to reach its full potential.

Gendercide in China

This is a fascinating article on gendercide in China. This is the most detailed article I have read in awhile.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1265068/China-The-worlds-new-superpower-beginning-century-supremacy-alarming-surplus-males.html

Transitioning into Food

My post two days ago focused on basic principles of transitioning back into home life after travel. One of the other major transitions made is dietary. Finding foods our daughter would eat was one of my largest concerns.


There are a variety of foods our daughter transitioned into easily. Such items were scrambled eggs, toast, crackers, peanut butter (make sure your child does not have a nut allergy) sandwiches, macaroni and cheese, apples, apple juice, cooked carrots, dry cereal, oatmeal, cooked peas, any type of fruit, canned peaches and pears, fish sticks, rice with vegetables, and anything else that contributed to weight gain. Some children have lactose intolerance, so cheese is not appropriate. We were lucky. Our daughter is able to drink milk and loves cheese. A positive means of fat in her diet and one which increases her calcium intake. Many times, this list of food was an alternative to what we put on the table. No, my husband (he loves to cook, so he does a majority of the cooking in our house) is not a short order cook, however we were and still are flexible. Weight gain and maintaining weight is the ultimate goal for a majority of parents.

There are a few foods which our daughter simply will not eat however they are simple to avoid. For example, any cold food is suspect like ice cream or yogurt. This makes sense as our guide in China let us know the Chinese do not use ice or eat a lot of cold foods. It is their belief that it contributes to arthritis. Any recipes with ground meat, or meat period, are suspect. We might be able to sneak in a few bites masking meat with other foods, but she will certainly not consume meat willingly. We are aware that meat was probably not a large part of her diet. Of course, I hear the exact opposite from many adoptive parents. Some say their children want no sweets. We are the exact opposite; our daughter will eat any cookies and candy she can get her hands on.

Internet recipes also made it easy to make foods like congee. This was a comfort to our daughter. My mother prepared a large bowl of congee from a recipe she found online. We were able to warm this up in the microwave and add small bits of meat and vegetable.

Last, we found consistency in our daughter's diet by making sure we ate meals in the same location every day and through trial and error when introducing new foods. This routine allowed our daughter to learn that food would be provided everyday in the same location, and over several months she developed trust. Yes, this meant we did not go out for a lot of meals, however after spending money on an international trip to China; it was nice to cut back on spending.

Beijing Panda Training Center

USA Today reports on plans to open a facility, training pandas for release into the wild. The adorable photos are enough to warm the heart of any reader.

http://www.usatoday.com/tech/news/2010-05-20-pandas-wild_N.htm?csp=34

Four Principles of Transition post Travel

Returning home from an international trip with a confused and exhausted baby is both a joy filled occasion and one wrought with stress. Here are a few simple tips to ease your transition after travel from the completion of an international adoption


1. Surrender your schedule.

Instead of finding routine in your daily schedule, find routine in normal daily activities. For example, my husband takes our son out for breakfast on Saturdays. This was an easy activity which did not require our daughter, whose internal clock was completely out of whack, to fall into our old routine. Choose one activity like this per day. It gives you the basis for finding consistency.

2. Ease into work.

My husband took 2 additional days off or a Thursday and Friday, so there were five additional days to recover. This might sound like common sense, but it is worth mentioning. I personally have returned to work the day after an international trip. We did not have children at the time, so I cannot imagine having a newly adopted child, in this situation. I outsource writing projects, and I did not agree to complete any new projects for the first few weeks home.

3. Bar the door.

Family and friends are elated you are home, and if given the chance will stop in to visit. And why wouldn’t they? After all, you have just come home with a beautiful child! Communicate your expectations about visitors prior to travel. I am lucky. Our families are very respectful. If you sense this might be an issue with family and friends have a conversation prior to traveling. Communication was not my strong suite after hours on a plane and having experienced something as profound as the adoption of our daughter. Let people know your expectations, and educate family and friends.

4. Avoid making assumptions about your child’s behavior.

Our daughter functioned well, given the circumstances. However, thinking back on her behavior, I know it was a very stressful emotional period. Do not draw conclusions on your child’s behavior based on the first few months home. I parallel the experience to being dropped on Mars. I found it best to journal daily. When it was a rough day, I looked back and read about our daughter, giving me the opportunity to see her progress.

Recent Violence in Foshan, Guangzhou

Another story of an attack in a public place. Man responsible for kindergarten attack on a Chinese kindergarten is sentenced.

http://edition.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/asiapcf/05/17/china.cleaver.attack/index.html?iref=allsearch

Night Terror Truths

Our daughter did not experience night terrors until several months after travel. I was taken aback when I saw my normally easy going daughter thrashing around her crib. After many sleepless nights, I began researching night terrors on many of my go to boards for international adoption. After a bit of research, I was able to come up with a somewhat comprehensive list of characteristics distinguishing night terrors from other sleep disturbances.


• Protect your child from hurting themselves by removing toys from their bed.

• Night terrors typically do not occur after the first third of the night. Children fall into their deepest sleep during the first hour, transitioning into REM sleep. It is during this shift between light sleep and heavy sleep that children have night terrors.

• Parents typically find their child is sweaty with an increased heart rate and rapid breathing.

• When a child is having a night terror, it is best to let it run its course. Meaning, stand beside their bed or crib but avoid picking them up. A child will fall back asleep without help. It is the obvious inclination of parents to sooth their child, but the child can typically overcome the situation without intervention. Of course, you should try to sooth them and wait until it is over.

• Children typically have no recollection of the event.

• Night terrors occur more frequently when a child’s regular sleep pattern is disturbed or a child has experienced anxiety. Night terrors also occur in adopted children who have had medication which affects their central nervous system, meaning anesthesia.
Other simple causes include eating too much prior to laying down.
• Nightmares are different than night terrors. Nightmares occur during the REM cycle of sleep. Only about 1-6% of children have true night terrors.

• Parents who are experiencing nights long episodes can try to prevent them by waking up their child after about a half an hour of sleep. This will break the sleep cycle, so the episode might be avoided.

• Parents of international adoption will also find the following article helpful in better understanding night terrors.

http://www.chinesechildren.org/Newsletter/Professional%20Corner%5CPC_04_2007.pdf

Reuter's article

Reuter's discusses recent violence in its schools, bringing to light the governments stance on events, as well as reasons for the tragedy - the treatment of mentally ill within the country, hand gun use, as well as a changing Chinese society. Interesting article!

http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE64D0C820100514

Washington Post Highlights Governments Stance on Charitable Giving

According to an article in the Washington Post, the Chinese government will start paying stricter attention to donations made to charitable organizations in the country. This has left the adoption community to wonder what this means for organizations like Half the Sky whose work is so important in orphanages around the country. Until recently, nonprofit organizations registered as a company to avoid scrutiny from the government. Now controls are tighter. The article states this is a result of nonprofits “feeling harassed, being furtherd targeted by tax investigations, and subjected to new restrictions on receiving donations from abroad. Read the full article  http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/05/10/AR2010051004801.html

International Adoption in Brief

According to the U.S. State Department the top five countries for international adoption include China, Ethiopia, South Korea, Russia, and the Ukraine. The top three international adoption programs to the United States are China, Ethiopia, and Russia.


China: Wait times have reached over 4 years. In 2009, approximately 3,000 international adoptions were completed from the United States. According to one of the largest adoption agencies in the United States, 80% of the children adopted from China to the United States were from the special needs program. Despite the slowdown of adoptions from China to the United States, the program continues to be stable.

Ethiopia: Current wait times in Ethiopia are approximately 12-18 months. In 2009, approximately 2,275 adoptions were completed. As of April 2010, changes were made to the program. According to the U.S. State Department, parents are “required to appear at a federal court hearing for their adoptive child.” This process requires parents to make two trips to the country or spend approximately 6 weeks in country.

Russia: Current wait times in Russia are approximately 2 years. In 2009, approximately 1585 international adoptions were completed from the United States. Events surrounding the return of young boy to Russia continue to dominate headlines. Most recently in an article, by the Associated Press Education Minister Andrei Fursenko stated, “Russia will not suspend U.S. adoptions which he said required legislation to be passed by parliament or a presidential act.”

Researching Special Needs Online. Is the Internet Your Friend or Foe?

Upon accepting our daughters special needs referral, I began the process of seeking answers on her medical condition through any number of sources. I took a lot of time trying to make my own assessment about our child’s condition. I spent hours reading online and attempting to make a diagnosis. Though our family doctor had given us insight on causes and future medical care, I felt I needed to verify information. Of course, this is a great idea, but there is a point when it becomes too much. As my eyes watered and strained, I looked at ambiguous medical photos, asking why can’t I find ANYTHING similar to our child’s health condition. Probably because I am not a trained medical professional! Part of my radical search was in China when our daughter had an undiagnosed medical need. During this time, I learned a parent can research all the medical information in the world, but until I physically took our children into the proper medical specialist, nothing was certain.


Rather than look up anything and everything online, wasting my time, I found the internet more beneficial after our first visit to the specialist. Once we had a specific diagnosis, it was possible to use search engines to find factual medical information. That being said, the words “factual” and “internet,” in combination with one another online, are perceived as somewhat of an oxymoron. I used the internet to read basic information off sites like Web MD.

I joined online groups and chat boards with families of children with similar special needs. This was actually most valuable for its insight on daily life. Rather than focusing energy on the realities of life inside of a short window of time needed to treat our child, we focused on the normalcy of raising a special needs child. It also allowed me to find a community of people for support.

For this reason, the internet has been a positive in our adoption experience. It is hard to imagine not having this source of support from other families at the touch of a button.

Now on a lighter topic....

The New York Times published this article today. Those of us who have completed travel will find it hilarious. We have all read signs in public places and laughed at the wording....

photos.http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/03/world/asia/03chinglish.html?src=me&ref=general

RAD Reactive Attachment Disorder

Unfortunately, the media has begun spinning story after story concerning the international adoption of children afflicted with serious attachment disorders. RAD or reactive attachment disorder has become the acronym most associated with stories in the media. Though parents of internationally adopted children are many times required to complete reading on such topics, it is beneficial to understand basic information on the symptoms and causes.

Reactive attachment disorder is a result of inadequate bonding between a care giver and child in the first months of life. Typically, children receiving custodial care in an orphanage environment do not receive the one on one attention associated with a normal parent or guardian/child relationship. This lack of attention to hunger, diaper changes, and verbal interaction all cause symptoms of this disorder. Other common causes include a lack of consistency in the quality of care given. One person working in the orphanage might provide excellent care while the person on the next shift provides inadequate care. Many times such facilities have a high rate of turnover, which does not allow a child to attach to any caregiver, in particular. RAD does not discriminate on the basis of gender or race and becomes apparent in the behavior of children 5 years of age and under.

Other symptoms include the inability to be touched or responding in pain when touched, displaying inappropriate and aggressive behavior to maintain control of situations, anger issues, showing inappropriate affection, and no ability to feel guilt after displaying bad behavior.

Families experiencing the symptoms of this attachment disorder have difficulty in finding a correct diagnosis. Over half of all children suffering from Reactive Attachment Disorder or RAD are diagnosed with depression. Parents are desperate for answers and this disparity motivates them to lack judgement in making decisions for their children. According to http://www.radkids.org/ , “always consider the dangers in anything you are thinking of trying. Don’t believe everything you read on the internet. Keep the lines of communication open between yourself and your child’s therapist, and always contact your therapist before making significant changes in your parenting style or trying something new that someone has suggested to you. When it doubt, always clear it with an attachment specialist.