TV Preview: Wo Ai Ni (I Love You) Mommy, PBS, August 31 - Video - Blogcritics

TV Preview: Wo Ai Ni (I Love You) Mommy, PBS, August 31 - Video - Blogcritics

China Daily link "Brides and Prejudice in China"

China Daily published an article with an interesting glimpse of the impact the one child policy has on Chinese men of marrying age.

http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/2010-08/23/content_11192404.htm

Use Google for China adoption travel calls

Whether deciding on Skype, phone cards, or email as a source of communciation while traveling on a China adoption, there is always buzz about the best way to contact home. Now Google is offering its domestic and international telephone service. Calling China from the United States costs just 0.02 cents per minute. http://googleblog.blogspot.com/2010/08/call-phones-from-gmail.html

NPR on China Adoption and 'Meant for Each Other'

A wonderful adoption story turned into book. Scott Simon discusses his book ' Meant for Each Other,' a China adoption story is discussed on NPR.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=129301982

Hukou and China's Household Registration System - China Adoption

A hokou is China's registration system, originating in ancient Chinese culture for tax purposes. In modern day China, governmental officials use a hokou to maintain records of birth and parental information. A hokou is determined by an individuals place of birth. Without the proper documentation from a persons place of birth, it is difficult to gain employment, find a place to live, seek socialized medical care, or send children to school. The Chinese government grants permission to move outside one's original hokou which is typically the result of bribery.

Some estimates indicate over 200 million of China's residence are affected as migrants living in different regions of the country. This is largely a result of the Chinese economy opening up over the last decade. Some parallel this group of persons to illegal immigrants in the United States. This particular group is called "floaters."

In the early 1980's, a persons hokou was so restrictive, it bound them to the small area they were born. If they traveled to another location, they were not allowed to do things like purchase food with regular currency. Instead you were required to purchase "Liangpio" or govermental currency to use during your travels. If they moved, they were not allowed to work or live in another location. There was no point in migrating from their original place of birth.

After 2003, a person could no longer be stopped on the street and asked for an identification card when visiting another city. People were detained for not producing the correct documentation, so the system has relaxed for people visiting other areas.




Related articles
http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2010/03/05/the_princeling_and_the_paupers?page=0,1
http://home.wangjianshuo.com/archives/20060610_hukou_system_in_china.htm

Highlights of China Marriage Law - China Adoption

As a parent of China adoption, I have been curious about how marital unions are formed in China due to traditions. I found the following information informative.


• 1950 – The year marriage laws were changed, allowing couples to marry outside of traditional arranged marriages. After the Marriage Law passed, it was “considered a landmark achievement for building a family, the basic unit of society, on the foundation of free will and equal rights since it formally ended the practice of arranged or forced marriages across the country.”


• 1980- The first time the Marriage Law was amended to include a ‘broken relationship’ as a precursor to divorce in modern society.


• In 2009, divorces increased by approximately 9%. The same year over 24 million people married and over 2 million people divorced. Extramarital affairs have become one of the most common reasons for divorce in the country. A higher number of people divorce in metropolitan areas as a result of an unfaithful spouse, while it is widely held that women in outlying rural areas are more tolerant with a lower rate of divorce for extramarital affairs.


• It is not common for women to remarry. Remarriage after divorce is considered socially inappropriate. A majority of women are not supported by community after remarriage. A high number of women report being mistreated by friends and neighbors after remarrying.

China Adoption and CCAA

None of us can forget the horrifying news that a child brought home through China adoption was killed at the hands of the people who were supposed to protect her the most. Her parents were a Tennessee couple and not the first parents, in the state, to receive media attention. Earlier this year, a Tennessee mother sent her Russian born son back on a plane having made arrangements for his arrival with a driver.


For this reason, the requirements of the CCAA will possibly change in the coming months. This will come in the form of more visits by caseworkers and eliminating the agencies involved in approving families involved in cases of abuse. “China has not yet officially determined what the new adoption regulations will be. But adoption officials do now confirm there will be more regular and complete reporting, along with serious penalties for failure to follow their guidelines,” according to WSMV TV of Nashville.

This story is being reported through the following online sites:
 
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/?id=11881780&q=china+adoption&p=1&st=1&sm=user
 
http://www.wsmv.com/news/24501796/detail.html

The Economist and Views on Infancide/China Adoption

In March, the Economist published an article on female infacide. As a parent of China adoption, I am educated on this topic, however it never fails to surprise me. Author George Bullard, raised the following points as they relate in infancide in China:

 

• The number of male singles in China equals the total male population in the United States.

• In China, an ultrasound scan costs less than $15.

• Infancide is a result of following factors: traditional views in relationship to a male heir, the desire for less children by modern Chinese families, and ultrasound scanning.

• South Korea once had an equal imbalance as China. In the last decade, this number has started to change, as a result of education and lawsuits based on discrimination.

• Northern India has experienced the same widening gap between males and females.

Favorite China travel toys

Outside of spending mornings completing paperwork or touring while paperwork was completed, we spent many hours in our room. This was for many purposes. For one, we could not tour continously with a toddler but take in a site a day. Also, the province, to which we traveled offered a museum and factory both of which we saw. Outside of "movement in the morning," as our tour guide said, we were back in the afternoon to nap and play. Toys became an integral part of our bonding. Here is a list of my favorite toys, remembering there might not be any play going on at all. Some children simply aren't ready, but it is great to be prepared.

International Adoption Statistics

Adoption statistics were released by the U.S. Department of Homeland Security for 2009. Approximately 12,800 adoptions were completed in 2009. The highest percentage of international adoption came from the China adoption program with 23%.


Percentage of internationally adopted children according to country
China 23%
Colombia 19%
Ethiopia 17%
Guatemala 6%
Haiti 3%
Poland 4%
Russia 12%
Taiwan 2%
Thailand 5%
Ukraine 5%
Vietnam 4%

Female to male international adoptions
56% = Female
44%= Male

Internationally adopted children according to age
Under 1 Yr of Age=25%
1- 5 Years of Age =52%
More than 5 Years of Age=23%

‘Bare Branches’ make up 24 million of China’s male population as a result of the one child policy

24 million men in China are known as ‘Bare Branches’ or single as a result of the one child policy, having an obvious current and future socio economic impact on the country, according to the country’s leading think tank. This segment of single males are equally distributed throughout the country of China, however the largest discrepancy between males and females are the high number of males under the age of 5. In rural areas male to female ratios are higher with approximately 125 boys for every 100 girls. Preference for male heirs is common in rural areas due to a lack of social security in the country.


This imbalance is also a result of the one child policy, instituted in the 1970’s. This was China’s attempt to contain its increasing population. The late 1980’s saw the largest increase in sex selective abortions as technology became available in the form of ultrasounds. According to the laws of the government, sex selective abortion is illegal, however it is widely available and overlooked.

The obvious result of this gender imbalance and the one child policy is a large discrepancy between males and females is an increase in crime and a marginalization of males, in a culture which places importance on marrying. Laws are not expected to change, and further discussion will not take place until at least 2018.

China's one child policy is noted as having a social and economic impact in all areas of of the country. This New York Times article takes a look at how the one child policy will impact manufacturing. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/13/world/asia/13factory.html?_r=1

China and the Cultural Revolution

The New York Times presents an interesting article on the family of a woman killed for speaking against Chairman Mao in the 1970's.


http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/23/world/asia/23iht-letter.html?_r=1&ref=china

Benchmarks of Development and the Special Needs Toddler and China Adoption

When considering our daughter’s specific special need, in China adoption, there were a myriad of questions we needed to answer. It was impossible to completely assess our daughters overall medical and emotional health until she was home, there are a few simple benchmarks; in relationship ship to evaluating a special needs file. This is by no means a comprehensive list.


12 months
• A child can pull themselves into a standing position and take steps when holding onto something/someone
• Can indicate “yes” by nodding their head
• Has a pincher reflex to pick up objects with thumb and forefinger
• Will pay attention to a toy or book for about 2 minutes
• Has a vocabulary of 2-3 words
• Uses simple gestures
• Drinks from a cup
• Attempts to repeat simple words

15 months
• Can walk independently without holding onto something/someone
• Starting to feed themselves some foods
• Voice tone changes
• Has a vocabulary of 4-5 words

18 months
• Can walk independently
• Mastered climbing one stair
• Can use a pull toy
• Has the ability to make marks on a paper with crayons
• Can follow simple verbal directions
• Has a vocabulary of at least 10 words

2 years
• Will hand a toy over when requested
• Will turn a picture right side up that is upside-down
• Can kick a ball (large in size)
• Has enough fine motor skills to turn pages of a book. Probably not one page but several at a time.

3 years
• Can walk up the stairs independently with aid of a railing
• Can balance on one foot
• Can ask to use the bathroom
• Opens doors
• Responds to and asks simple questions
• Speech is understood



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Is H1N1 still a threat parents traveling for China adoption?

I read the World Health Organization is considering taking the label pandemic off of the H1N1 virus. This piqued my curiosity in relationship to the China adoption community and how this continues to affect travel. My husband and I were part of the wave of travelers under the threat of possible quarantine upon landing in Beijing last summer. Luckily, we were never pulled despite a man on the plane ahead of us having his temperature taken twice. It was the first time, in years, I have witnessed a medical professional whip out a mercury thermometer. Luckily, we were in the clear.


A year later, things have obviously changed significantly. First and foremost a vaccine is available. What my husband and I wouldn’t have given for that option as the planes interior dropped by at least 15 degrees. As I shivered, taking three ibuprofen and handing another three off to my husband, a needle in the arm, prior to travel, would have been blessed reassurance.

For those who do not get the vaccine, with a fever upon arrival, there are still a few precautions taken. Upon reading, I found that people are no longer quarantined. A health declaration is filled out on board the place, and temperatures continue to be taken. The system is less rigorous than a year ago, however those entering the country with a fever are asked to see a doctor.

China Population Statistics

• By 2015, the population of China is expected to expand to 1.4 billion people. For the first time, the population will be higher in urban areas than rural. The population of China is expected to decrease after the year 2015.


• In 1982, the population of China reached 1 billion persons.

• By 2008, the population had more than doubled since the late 1940’s.

• 1 out of 5 people in the world are Chinese.

• India falls behind China in total population with 2 million less inhabitants.

• In 2010, China will complete another census of its population.

• Ten years ago, the ratio of male births to female births was 120 males for every 100 females. This statistic is expected in increase to almost 130 male births for every 100 female births. A gender balance is not expected to occur until 2030. Statisticians estimate an imbalance between males and females of 20%.

• The largest segment of the Chinese population is between the ages of 15 and 64 years, constituting almost 75% of its population.

• Median age in China is 33 years old.

• Han Chinese constitutes the largest segment of the Chinese population making up approximately 92% of the population with the remainder belonging to ethnic minorities. Ethnic minorities make up approximately 107 million of the country’s population.

Avoiding a Digestive Disaster and Your China Adoption

Maybe it is the flu and germs flying around my home at present which are the inspiration for this particular entry. Maybe it is the memory of our trip a year ago for our China adoption. We were on the eve of leaving for our trip, FINALLY meeting our daughter. It is probably all the reading I have done this week with the desperate pleas of parents who are sequestered to their hotel room. I had one goal during our stay in China: health throughout the trip. I attribute a great portion of a healthy trip to careful eating.


First and foremost, we never drank anything which was not bottled or sealed. Obviously, this includes any type of bottled water or soda. This does not include drinking anything with ice that has been prepared with tap water. We avoided fruit juice on the breakfast buffet, knowing it probably contained tap water. We tested seals on water bottles before drinking. Paranoia, maybe. I know of people who have purchased bottled water overseas, only to find out someone was around the corner filling up the bottles in a faucet will understand.

Speaking of around the corner, I also laugh at those people who go off the grid to eat. Yes, I too love street vender food. The aroma of food lofting down the sidewalk, the look of something unique and tasty wrapped neaty in paper, in the palm of a friendly vender. Chose a time to experiment when you are not out of country for your child. A majority of adoptive parents have a lifetime to travel and discover cuisine. Take the boring route, and spare your intestines. Yes, I too was almost shamed eating at a Pizza Hut. When we travel to China again, we will eat off the grid, a bit more often. The places we ate in Beijing were good and outside of the hotel.

Yes, follow the tried and true rules. Eat nothing which is not cooked or peeled. If your travel arrangements like most China adoption trips include the breakfast buffet, eat a lot at breakfast. We found a variety of offerings which were a great blend of Western and Chinese fare. I had hoped this might be a means of losing weight. Not so lucky. When else can a person eat friend noodles and dim sum with their morning coffee?

If the worst does happen, come with an arsenal of Amodium AD. I feel so lucky that we never used it. We now have a lifetime supply. I have traveled elsewhere out of the country and needed it. At the very least, it keeps a person comfortable. Cipro is also a drug which many families are prescribed from their family doctor. Speak with your doctor to verify my information, but we were told that it will also work for curing stomach ailments.

If you follow these few simple rules, you will probably travel without issue. A majority of families travel and eat quite liberally with little to no stomach upset.

Heat and Beijing

I thought families about to travel for China Adoption might appreciate this particular post. I know we experienced extreme heat, and drank our weight in bottled water. Love the comment on umbrellas!!!


http://www.theweathernetwork.com/news/storm_watch_stories3&stormfile=chinaheat_julysix_06_07_2010?ref=ccbox_weather_bottom_title

Waiting and China Adoption

Over the past four years, leading up to the referral of our daughter, I have watched the wait times for China adoption begin at 12-18 months and continue increasing to a soaring 4 year wait. There is always speculation about the cause of the wait, and I hesitate to ever give misinformation. I have ideas and thoughts about the wait; however I would never voice those ideas. Instead, I will only say while it is great that so many special needs children are being placed through China adoption, my heart goes out to those families which are stuck in programs which do not have special needs available, upwards of four years from receiving a referral date. We were one of those families, in a small agency without a special needs program. Our small agency finally closed and sent us to an agency with a special needs program. Special needs was our hearts desire from the beginning, however we believe the wait was a kind of divine intervention which caused us to take the leap.

Here is what we have found out, in a nutshell, from the delegation representing the CCAA in the country of Australia:

• The adoption of nsn children will continue to decrease. Representatives advised reasons for a continued decline in numbers of nsn adoption include, but are not limited to, a rising number of Chinese domestic adoptions and tighter regulations on the trafficking of children. The high number of special needs children, including children categorized as older children were highlighted with representatives indicating a high number of qualified families will be needed for these children.

• There was no indication from the representatives on how many months the wait might increase, in China adoption, however a minimum was indicated of 4 years.

• Those families grandfathered under the new rules are supposed to meet the old requirements in China adoption. Recently we have seen a few families under the old eligibility requirements who were held under the new rules.

National Public Radio's Continued Series on China's One Child Policy

National Public Radio continued its series of articles on China's one child policy. This particular article depicts the work of one of its "one child policy enforcers."

http://marketplace.publicradio.org/display/web/2010/06/21/pm-one-child-the-enforcer

National Public Radio's Article on the One Child Policy

I found this brief outline of the one child policy interesting. I had no idea that its original intent was to allowing more than one child after several decades.
http://marketplace.publicradio.org/display/web/2010/06/21/pm-china-one-child-policy-a-brief-history/

Ouch: Hitting Children 101

One of the many behaviors we have noticed as a result of the time our daughter spent in the orphanage is hitting. This did not come as a shock. Typically, such behavior occurs when she is overly tired. We make every effort to circumvent such behavior prior to it happening. We do not stay up an extended period of time or put her into situations where she is forced to stay up. For example, on the 4th of July, we are attempting to figure out who will take our son to the fireworks while the other stays home to put her to bed. It is simply not worth the struggle and frustration. By the way, I am giving myself a vote for going to the fireworks.

One thing I have observed is the hitting is not the typical response of an angry 2 year old. It is 100% instinct. There is something internal, something she has witnessed too many times, altering her natural response. After she is done, she typically laughs. We handle this by redirecting her behavior. This amounts to telling her “nice touches” and running her hand across my cheek. We have noticed her steadily improving over the last couple of weeks. This is further witnessed when she comes up and runs her hands on my cheeks, during normal activities, saying, “nice touches.”

Here are a couple more tips for parents of kids who hit.

1. Stay calm. It is our natural tendency to freak out when our kids exhibit these behaviors. By not bringing more chaos to the situation, we teach our children to respond appropriately.

2. Remove your child from the situation. Meaning, if the hitting occurs while playing, take them out of play before redirecting.

3. If your child is old enough, verbalize appropriate behavior.

4. Praise your child for appropriate behavior.

5. Finally, seek professional advice if the aggressive behavior does not stop. A counselor can help to sort out this negative behavior.

And now for fun news......

I am back! I had a brief hiatus due to another writing project and vacation but will begin posting regular articles and news. This is an interesting article, has nothing really to do with adoption, however I found it interesting. It is another way Chinese are attempting to deal with the already widening gender gap.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/TECH/01/25/china.online.dating/index.html

Saving for Adoption

Recently, it has come to my attention that interational adoption is expensive. This is obviously not the first time I have considered how much it actually cost. I was completely aware of the cost when I was writing out checks, wearing the same clothes for 2 years, and living like a pauper. There were several things we did to accomplish saving.

My husband and I made the small investment to form an LLC. This allowed him to work on the side, using the skills from his profession to save. This was a sacrifice working nights and weekends but was the bulk of the money. I took on extra writing projects. I have heard of parents waiting tables. Whatever creates the money necessary to pay fees.

As a former collector, I am already a tightwad. 6 years of listening to other people's financial woes will do that to a person. Maybe that is why I save money in a tin can for incidentals, burying nickels like a squirrel. Instead of taking money from our main savings, we waited until the tin can was full. Every time I got change at the store I made a point of dumping it in the tin box.

We cancelled cable for a very long summer. I read a ton of books on international adoption, checked out videos from the library, took walks to public parks, and camped on the weekends. Most of all, we learned not to spend on items which were not necessary. Whenever I felt the urge to spend, I imagined how much more it meant to have our child home.

We kept track of unnecessary spending by tallying the amount we spent on items like a pop or coffee, food purchased for lunch, or anything which did not absolutely need. I was amazed at the amount. This helped us to identify our triggers and unnecessary spending.

We did not do garage sales or any other fundraising requiring money from someone else to come up with travel funds. This was a personal choice, however many families involved in saving for an interational adoption create at least a few hundred dollars. It is a ton of work. However, I think if it is advertised it could be profitable. Sometimes families ask others to bring in items for sale to make it larger. If the shoe were on the other foot, I would be happy to unearth a few items from the basement. Fundraisers like meals and silent auctions with items donated are also worthwhile. Others choose to do home parties.

Last, I drove a used vehicle. We have a short distance to work, and this worked well. I found a reliable Nissan and was able to use this for the past three years, avoiding a monthly car payment. I understand this is not practical for everyone, especially those with a long commute.

When we did shop, we went online for the best deal, shopped for clothes off season, and found good sales. I try to shop a season ahead for my kids and never buy clothing at full price unless it is a special occassion. We we did do something like go out to eat, we went less frequently and chose something good. This sounds rediculous.

Families who cannot save out of pocket for the entire cost of international adoption also look into grants, a low interest home equity loan, or simply a low interest credit card for travel expenses.

So here is a brief version of how we saved. I am certain there are more creative ideas when saving for international adoption however this is what worked for my family.

Father's Day Books for China Adoption Dad's

When we were researching all things China and waiting for our referral, this was one of my absolute favorite books. It is based on the story of a man living in China as a student in the 1980's and gives the stories of the people he encounters. My husband was gone for a weekend, and I could not put it down. It gave great cultural insight.











This is a favorite I check out from the local library frequently. I am going to purchase this myself, because the photos are so vivid and beautiful. It takes the reader through a series of writings and pictures about the everyday life of Chinese people. I could look at it for hours. Very nice pictures.











I am reading this book right now. It is a few years old, but from a historical context is a valuable read. It tells the story of China from several different perspectives. Xinran is always a great read.














Here are a couple more suggestions. My kids love Mercer Mayer.

Waiting for the End of Forever

As the wait in China adoption builds, and builds, and builds, families become ever more frustrated and confused. What causes a program which typically took under a year to catapult to such extreme timeframes? This is the question that kept me awake at night as we waited for our daughter to come home. Perhaps my interest has resurfaced in the last few months, because there seems to be no end in sight. I still pay attention, because I feel heartache for families in process. There is no way to find a reason with absolute certainty.

The CCAA indicated a few years ago, there is a decreased number of available children in orphanages as a result of “the development of Chinese society and an increase in domestic adoptions.” Such factors combined with a large number of dossiers have decreased the number of available children. I have several personal theories. None of these theories equate to a decrease in the number of available babies when considering the one child policy, a large gender imbalance, a widening gap between wealth and poverty, and traditions dating back thousands of years. Is it really feasible that a centuries old mindset will suddenly change in a span of five years? Yet, there are families who seemingly buy into this notion, contending the best place for a child is their native culture. This is a wonderful notion however is probably not based on reality.

Perhaps this wait has occurred because we are supposed to see a higher number of special needs children reach their full potential. Certainly a decade ago, three fourths of China adoptions were not special needs. I also constantly remind myself that any child saved, as small as the number are compared to previous years, is a life which will be allowed to reach its full potential.

Gendercide in China

This is a fascinating article on gendercide in China. This is the most detailed article I have read in awhile.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1265068/China-The-worlds-new-superpower-beginning-century-supremacy-alarming-surplus-males.html

Transitioning into Food

My post two days ago focused on basic principles of transitioning back into home life after travel. One of the other major transitions made is dietary. Finding foods our daughter would eat was one of my largest concerns.


There are a variety of foods our daughter transitioned into easily. Such items were scrambled eggs, toast, crackers, peanut butter (make sure your child does not have a nut allergy) sandwiches, macaroni and cheese, apples, apple juice, cooked carrots, dry cereal, oatmeal, cooked peas, any type of fruit, canned peaches and pears, fish sticks, rice with vegetables, and anything else that contributed to weight gain. Some children have lactose intolerance, so cheese is not appropriate. We were lucky. Our daughter is able to drink milk and loves cheese. A positive means of fat in her diet and one which increases her calcium intake. Many times, this list of food was an alternative to what we put on the table. No, my husband (he loves to cook, so he does a majority of the cooking in our house) is not a short order cook, however we were and still are flexible. Weight gain and maintaining weight is the ultimate goal for a majority of parents.

There are a few foods which our daughter simply will not eat however they are simple to avoid. For example, any cold food is suspect like ice cream or yogurt. This makes sense as our guide in China let us know the Chinese do not use ice or eat a lot of cold foods. It is their belief that it contributes to arthritis. Any recipes with ground meat, or meat period, are suspect. We might be able to sneak in a few bites masking meat with other foods, but she will certainly not consume meat willingly. We are aware that meat was probably not a large part of her diet. Of course, I hear the exact opposite from many adoptive parents. Some say their children want no sweets. We are the exact opposite; our daughter will eat any cookies and candy she can get her hands on.

Internet recipes also made it easy to make foods like congee. This was a comfort to our daughter. My mother prepared a large bowl of congee from a recipe she found online. We were able to warm this up in the microwave and add small bits of meat and vegetable.

Last, we found consistency in our daughter's diet by making sure we ate meals in the same location every day and through trial and error when introducing new foods. This routine allowed our daughter to learn that food would be provided everyday in the same location, and over several months she developed trust. Yes, this meant we did not go out for a lot of meals, however after spending money on an international trip to China; it was nice to cut back on spending.

Beijing Panda Training Center

USA Today reports on plans to open a facility, training pandas for release into the wild. The adorable photos are enough to warm the heart of any reader.

http://www.usatoday.com/tech/news/2010-05-20-pandas-wild_N.htm?csp=34

Four Principles of Transition post Travel

Returning home from an international trip with a confused and exhausted baby is both a joy filled occasion and one wrought with stress. Here are a few simple tips to ease your transition after travel from the completion of an international adoption


1. Surrender your schedule.

Instead of finding routine in your daily schedule, find routine in normal daily activities. For example, my husband takes our son out for breakfast on Saturdays. This was an easy activity which did not require our daughter, whose internal clock was completely out of whack, to fall into our old routine. Choose one activity like this per day. It gives you the basis for finding consistency.

2. Ease into work.

My husband took 2 additional days off or a Thursday and Friday, so there were five additional days to recover. This might sound like common sense, but it is worth mentioning. I personally have returned to work the day after an international trip. We did not have children at the time, so I cannot imagine having a newly adopted child, in this situation. I outsource writing projects, and I did not agree to complete any new projects for the first few weeks home.

3. Bar the door.

Family and friends are elated you are home, and if given the chance will stop in to visit. And why wouldn’t they? After all, you have just come home with a beautiful child! Communicate your expectations about visitors prior to travel. I am lucky. Our families are very respectful. If you sense this might be an issue with family and friends have a conversation prior to traveling. Communication was not my strong suite after hours on a plane and having experienced something as profound as the adoption of our daughter. Let people know your expectations, and educate family and friends.

4. Avoid making assumptions about your child’s behavior.

Our daughter functioned well, given the circumstances. However, thinking back on her behavior, I know it was a very stressful emotional period. Do not draw conclusions on your child’s behavior based on the first few months home. I parallel the experience to being dropped on Mars. I found it best to journal daily. When it was a rough day, I looked back and read about our daughter, giving me the opportunity to see her progress.

Recent Violence in Foshan, Guangzhou

Another story of an attack in a public place. Man responsible for kindergarten attack on a Chinese kindergarten is sentenced.

http://edition.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/asiapcf/05/17/china.cleaver.attack/index.html?iref=allsearch

Night Terror Truths

Our daughter did not experience night terrors until several months after travel. I was taken aback when I saw my normally easy going daughter thrashing around her crib. After many sleepless nights, I began researching night terrors on many of my go to boards for international adoption. After a bit of research, I was able to come up with a somewhat comprehensive list of characteristics distinguishing night terrors from other sleep disturbances.


• Protect your child from hurting themselves by removing toys from their bed.

• Night terrors typically do not occur after the first third of the night. Children fall into their deepest sleep during the first hour, transitioning into REM sleep. It is during this shift between light sleep and heavy sleep that children have night terrors.

• Parents typically find their child is sweaty with an increased heart rate and rapid breathing.

• When a child is having a night terror, it is best to let it run its course. Meaning, stand beside their bed or crib but avoid picking them up. A child will fall back asleep without help. It is the obvious inclination of parents to sooth their child, but the child can typically overcome the situation without intervention. Of course, you should try to sooth them and wait until it is over.

• Children typically have no recollection of the event.

• Night terrors occur more frequently when a child’s regular sleep pattern is disturbed or a child has experienced anxiety. Night terrors also occur in adopted children who have had medication which affects their central nervous system, meaning anesthesia.
Other simple causes include eating too much prior to laying down.
• Nightmares are different than night terrors. Nightmares occur during the REM cycle of sleep. Only about 1-6% of children have true night terrors.

• Parents who are experiencing nights long episodes can try to prevent them by waking up their child after about a half an hour of sleep. This will break the sleep cycle, so the episode might be avoided.

• Parents of international adoption will also find the following article helpful in better understanding night terrors.

http://www.chinesechildren.org/Newsletter/Professional%20Corner%5CPC_04_2007.pdf

Reuter's article

Reuter's discusses recent violence in its schools, bringing to light the governments stance on events, as well as reasons for the tragedy - the treatment of mentally ill within the country, hand gun use, as well as a changing Chinese society. Interesting article!

http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE64D0C820100514

Washington Post Highlights Governments Stance on Charitable Giving

According to an article in the Washington Post, the Chinese government will start paying stricter attention to donations made to charitable organizations in the country. This has left the adoption community to wonder what this means for organizations like Half the Sky whose work is so important in orphanages around the country. Until recently, nonprofit organizations registered as a company to avoid scrutiny from the government. Now controls are tighter. The article states this is a result of nonprofits “feeling harassed, being furtherd targeted by tax investigations, and subjected to new restrictions on receiving donations from abroad. Read the full article  http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/05/10/AR2010051004801.html

International Adoption in Brief

According to the U.S. State Department the top five countries for international adoption include China, Ethiopia, South Korea, Russia, and the Ukraine. The top three international adoption programs to the United States are China, Ethiopia, and Russia.


China: Wait times have reached over 4 years. In 2009, approximately 3,000 international adoptions were completed from the United States. According to one of the largest adoption agencies in the United States, 80% of the children adopted from China to the United States were from the special needs program. Despite the slowdown of adoptions from China to the United States, the program continues to be stable.

Ethiopia: Current wait times in Ethiopia are approximately 12-18 months. In 2009, approximately 2,275 adoptions were completed. As of April 2010, changes were made to the program. According to the U.S. State Department, parents are “required to appear at a federal court hearing for their adoptive child.” This process requires parents to make two trips to the country or spend approximately 6 weeks in country.

Russia: Current wait times in Russia are approximately 2 years. In 2009, approximately 1585 international adoptions were completed from the United States. Events surrounding the return of young boy to Russia continue to dominate headlines. Most recently in an article, by the Associated Press Education Minister Andrei Fursenko stated, “Russia will not suspend U.S. adoptions which he said required legislation to be passed by parliament or a presidential act.”

Researching Special Needs Online. Is the Internet Your Friend or Foe?

Upon accepting our daughters special needs referral, I began the process of seeking answers on her medical condition through any number of sources. I took a lot of time trying to make my own assessment about our child’s condition. I spent hours reading online and attempting to make a diagnosis. Though our family doctor had given us insight on causes and future medical care, I felt I needed to verify information. Of course, this is a great idea, but there is a point when it becomes too much. As my eyes watered and strained, I looked at ambiguous medical photos, asking why can’t I find ANYTHING similar to our child’s health condition. Probably because I am not a trained medical professional! Part of my radical search was in China when our daughter had an undiagnosed medical need. During this time, I learned a parent can research all the medical information in the world, but until I physically took our children into the proper medical specialist, nothing was certain.


Rather than look up anything and everything online, wasting my time, I found the internet more beneficial after our first visit to the specialist. Once we had a specific diagnosis, it was possible to use search engines to find factual medical information. That being said, the words “factual” and “internet,” in combination with one another online, are perceived as somewhat of an oxymoron. I used the internet to read basic information off sites like Web MD.

I joined online groups and chat boards with families of children with similar special needs. This was actually most valuable for its insight on daily life. Rather than focusing energy on the realities of life inside of a short window of time needed to treat our child, we focused on the normalcy of raising a special needs child. It also allowed me to find a community of people for support.

For this reason, the internet has been a positive in our adoption experience. It is hard to imagine not having this source of support from other families at the touch of a button.

Now on a lighter topic....

The New York Times published this article today. Those of us who have completed travel will find it hilarious. We have all read signs in public places and laughed at the wording....

photos.http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/03/world/asia/03chinglish.html?src=me&ref=general

RAD Reactive Attachment Disorder

Unfortunately, the media has begun spinning story after story concerning the international adoption of children afflicted with serious attachment disorders. RAD or reactive attachment disorder has become the acronym most associated with stories in the media. Though parents of internationally adopted children are many times required to complete reading on such topics, it is beneficial to understand basic information on the symptoms and causes.

Reactive attachment disorder is a result of inadequate bonding between a care giver and child in the first months of life. Typically, children receiving custodial care in an orphanage environment do not receive the one on one attention associated with a normal parent or guardian/child relationship. This lack of attention to hunger, diaper changes, and verbal interaction all cause symptoms of this disorder. Other common causes include a lack of consistency in the quality of care given. One person working in the orphanage might provide excellent care while the person on the next shift provides inadequate care. Many times such facilities have a high rate of turnover, which does not allow a child to attach to any caregiver, in particular. RAD does not discriminate on the basis of gender or race and becomes apparent in the behavior of children 5 years of age and under.

Other symptoms include the inability to be touched or responding in pain when touched, displaying inappropriate and aggressive behavior to maintain control of situations, anger issues, showing inappropriate affection, and no ability to feel guilt after displaying bad behavior.

Families experiencing the symptoms of this attachment disorder have difficulty in finding a correct diagnosis. Over half of all children suffering from Reactive Attachment Disorder or RAD are diagnosed with depression. Parents are desperate for answers and this disparity motivates them to lack judgement in making decisions for their children. According to http://www.radkids.org/ , “always consider the dangers in anything you are thinking of trying. Don’t believe everything you read on the internet. Keep the lines of communication open between yourself and your child’s therapist, and always contact your therapist before making significant changes in your parenting style or trying something new that someone has suggested to you. When it doubt, always clear it with an attachment specialist.

Avoiding Turning Exam Room into Wresting Arena

Upon completion of our special needs adoption, I began thinking about the number of doctor appointments in our future. We are fortunate to have a world renowned university hospital not far from our home. What came to mind was not the time spent in the clinic. Doctor’s visits go with the territory, and it has become a normal part of our routine. Instead, my mind fast forwarded to the period of time between the nurse escorting us to the exam room and the doctor (likely someone in a very specialized field seeing many patients) comes into the room. After all our daughter is an active toddler. This period becomes what I lovingly refer to as the wrestling match.

I typically bring reinforcements or treats, small toys, and anything else I might pull out of my hat to prevent chasing her around the small room. When paper and crayons become boring, this is a go to list of favorites.



Magnetic playsets occupy my kids for awhile. This slips easily into a bag. I like it, because they make a smaller size, if you do not want to haul the larger folders.

Some visits require us to travel between rooms. If you prefer not to collect a lot of pieces prior to picking up and moving, it is easy to stuff this in your bag, grab your child, and be on your way.


This is great for a doctors visit which requires you to travel around the building. For example, we move between different rooms. If you prefer not to collect a lot of pieces prior to picking up and moving, it is easy to stuff this in your bag, grab your child, and be on your way.



As I was listing toys, I came across one of my personal childhood favorites. This is an adapted version for travel with a smaller screen.

Beijing Subway

Information for parents navigating Beijing's subway system off the grid while traveling:

http://www.bjd.com.cn/10beijingnews/201004/t20100415_607963.html

Finding Sweet Slumber

Jetlagged parents and children find sleep one of the most challenging aspects of returning home after travel. Comatose parents are jolted out of sleep by the sounds of anything from night terrors to a child awakened by strange noises. This is obviously a result of children overwhelmed by an environment much different than the one they are accustomed. Sounds, smells, and language all stimulate the emotional wellbeing of a child first arriving home. This is not only overwhelming for the child but difficult for parents and other children in the family. While nothing is a cureall to sleep issues, a few tips can ease this time in your families transition.

Split sleepless nights: Couples can take shifts and divide the night. Single parents should consider finding someone for the first few days until some type of routine is established. It is most advantageous to get a block of sleep. In other words it might be easier to function the next day with a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. Choose to split the night by having one parent attend to the needs of the child until 2am. Obviously, this is not feasible for some parents whose children have not attached to both parents. Try to find blocks of time during the day to nap, if you are not already back at work.

Sooth without stimulating: Many parents try playing a CD or rock. This is ill advised. Most of our children have not been rocked or soothed back to sleep. Simply sitting and allowing your child to be comforted by your presence can be an extreme help. Sleeping on the floor next to their crib or bed can also be extremely helpful. Soothing can also take place without physically picking a child up. This is most true in the case of night terrors.

Set a routine: As soon as possible begin setting a routine in your household. Obviously, this routine will become altered if parents go back to work. This will not only help your child’s transition but help them to understand, for example, bedtime comes after dinner, bathtime, and quiet play. Sleeping can also be aided by a routine which includes outdoor time when weather allows. Fresh air will allow your child to become sleepy faster.

Keep expectations realistic: If children have been seen by a doctor and there is nothing medically wrong, attempt to keep anxiety about sleep to a minimum. This is easier said than done, however the first couple of weeks are not an accurate indicator of the future.

This is certainly not a comprehensive list but will allow parents to form the basis of healthy sleep patterns.

I think the article speaks for itself.

Old folks held to force relatives' sterilizations by -- HUNDREDS of people in a southern China city, mostly senior citizens, have been confined in dozens of government-owned offices and kept from leaving until their sons or daughters who have violated the nation's family...

Read more: http://www.shanghaidaily.com/article/blog.asp?id=434385#ixzz0lnA67S7H

A Sibling Scorned

I vividly remember looking for smoke to come out of my son’s ears in the weeks after we returned home with our daughter from China. My normally sweet natured, easy going seven year old had suddenly turned into a mouthy, unbearable child. Quite simply he was angry. He was not acting out in a deliberately unkind manner toward his sister, but he was acting out toward me. Me, the mother who stayed home over seven years, soothed countless ear aches, had my son in gales of laughter on a daily basis, and did anything I could to help him grow into a well adjusted child.

Could I have predicted this might happen prior to coming home? Yes, however I somehow thought he might instantly look at his sister’s angelic little face and the rest would fall into place. The storm took a few weeks to brew. When the novelty wore off, I began noticing not so subtle clues.

He was acting out to get my attention. What was most interesting is that he never acted out toward his sister. Quite the contrary, he was the first person in our house to get a genuine belly laugh out of his sister. He also made sweet gestures. Her first weekend home, he constructed a crown for his sister, because he simply though she might like to feel like a princess.

Because I am not a child psychologist, the best wisdom I can impart is to give it time. Our son needed to find normalcy and gain security in our new family. He needed to see our family dynamic play out over time. Once he was secure in having an addition family member, the behavior began to wane. Yes, traditional means like doing a favorite activity worked, but he needed to become grounded in this new atmosphere.

Occasionally, when something happens that draws attention to his sister, he will begin acting out. When his sister went to the hospital and had a cast or over her birthday, we saw the old behaviors resurface. The difference between when we came home and now is that I can predict when this behavior will occur and now his behavior is what can typically be expected when there are two siblings in the home.

Subtle things helped to ease the transition. I stopped trying to squelch my son’s anger. Instead, I admitted that my life had changed too, and there were times I felt frustrated. We all know as adoptive parents of the many stressors upon returning home. Maintaining our original routine, prior to travel, also helped my son to feel a sense of security. Our daughter began falling into this schedule after a few weeks.

Open communication has always been the backbone of our house, so frank conversations took place about our feelings. After an appropriate amount of time had passed, I sat him down. I asked if he knew what I felt like when a friend at school hurt his feelings. When he concurred that he did, I asked if he understood he was making me feel the same way.

Obviously, no child or family is the same however for my family, consistently putting these small steps into practice made a huge difference in the behavior of our son.

Packing List

So many families have asked me for a packing list, so I decided it might be easier to simply list it on my blog. I started making lists in 2006, and we did not complete the adoption until 2009! Every time I found something I thought we might need, I simply opened my trusty spreadsheet and added it. One other note. As you can see, we are quite practical. We packed our items together in the larger suitcase and used the second, slightly smaller suitcase, for our daughters items. We divided our clothes into two space saver bags, and the remainder of items was divided into labeled ziplocks. Sounds like a military exercise, I know, however it worked well living out of a suitecase for over two weeks. It helped us stay organized through all the hotel changes and allowed us to keep track of our more serious possessions like passports, adoption paperwork, and money. Essentials like our daily medications , our antibiotics, and the baby’s antibiotics were in our carryon.

If I had to do it over again, I think I might choose to bring less snack food items and more items which required only hot water for a meal. While it is convenient to have such food stuffs along, it is only truly necessary to bring those items for which you cannot live without. For example, I love chocolate. Perhaps, it was available, and I did not see it however after over two weeks without chocolate, nothing tasted better than a bag of M&M’s. Without further ado, here is my packing list.

Carry-On
Passport
Paperwork - Refer to list
Money / Travelers Checks/Orphanage Donation
Prescriptions & Antibiotics
Allergy Medication
Eye Mask
Neck pillow
Lightweight sweatshirt
Outfit for baby
Books
Change of clothes
Sweatshirt Coverup
Laptop with cord / Cord for Pictures
Paperbacks
Clorox Wipes
Calling cards
Sinus Sprays
Email addresses/ numbers
Phrase Book
Camera & Cords
Pen & Paper
Cell Phone
Cell Phone Cord

Mom & Dad’s Large Suitecase
Underwear, socks, bras
Shorts
5 Shirts
4 Pants/Shorts (a combination of)
2 pair of good walking shoes - Wore crocs on flight and packed tennis shoes
Flip flops.
Zipup Sweatshirt
Hat
Gifts for orphanage workers and officials when signing off on paperwork
Travel Alarm
Convertor
Plastic silverware (a couple of sets)
Food
Calculator
Flashlight and extra batteries
Duck Tape – Yes we did use it on a bag!
Toothbrush, toothpaste
Shampoo/Conditioner
Feminine products
Contacts, solution, and glasses
Band Aids
Ammodium AD
Tums
Cold Medicine
Cough Drops
Ibuprofen
Deoderant
Goldbond Antitch
Lotion
Small amount of detergent
Tucks
Yeast infection treatment
Mosquito repellent (did not use)
Sunscreen
Triple Antibiotic Salve
Mini packs of Kleenex (will need for public restrooms)
Antibacterial wipes (used a lot on the plane to wipe of seat at height of H1N1 scare)
Boroleum – Sinus moisturizer
Pen, paper, & sticky notes
Disposible razors
Shaving cream
Envelopes

Baby
Carrier
Diapers (16 - 20)
Wipes
Changing pad
Plastic Bibs
Baby Washcloth (2)
Baby Towel (2)
Blanket (2)
Baby Hat
PJ's - Long sleeved bc of air conditioning in room
Shoes / Sandals
Onsies
Shirts
Pants - Elastic waist to cover from sun
Shorts - Long over knee
Socks
Toys - Board Books, links, & stacking cups
Board Books
Baby Photo Album
Individual Packs of Rice Cereal
Balloons
Prescription Meds - In our name
Elimite - Scabies 20 gm
Lice solution
Baby Motrin
Baby Benadryl
Infant Cold Decongestant
Medicine Spoon Syringes
Pedialyte
Orajel / Ambisol for teething
Thermometer
Diaper Rash Cream - Bag Balm
Lotrimin
Baby laxative suppositories
Baby Sunscreen
Hair/Body Baby Shampoo
Baby Nail Clippers
Tongue Depressors
Toothbrush
Baby toothpaste
Saline Drops - Little Noses
Qtips
Anitbacterial Wipes
Cheerios Big Box Emptied into two gallon sized bags
Rice Cereal
Baby rice Cereal
Baby Food Prunes
Gerber Fruit Chews
Baby Food Bananas
Bottles w/ disposible liners / Sippy Cups
Biter Biscuits
Extra bottle nipples (to make smaller each day) or Dr Brown's Y cut nipples
Baby Utensils
Plastic measuring cup - Take small Pchef
Bowl & Spoon
Travel formula container
Something she can eat that is sweet (bonding & trust) -
Photo album with pictures of family
Cheerios